Music gives sound to a journey we refer to as life. Sometimes music rules my world. I love many artists but my relationship with Jill Scott is special. I swear she's my big sister in my head. Her music is my soundtrack.
At 18, not realizing I was too young for this type of serious yearning, "He Loves Me (Lyzel in E flat)" woo'd me forever. My fascination with the depth of love was heightened with her words. I hung to them like dew in morning air. I wanted it to be my dreamy lovelife.
"You woo me, you court me, you tease me, you please me... you love me, you like me, incite me to chorus...La la la la..."
I met my now husband at 21 years old and we began a relationship at 22. Like lots of 20 somethings there was, let's say, a little unwelcomed outside drama attempting to leak into our relationship. At times you have to let people know they're "Getting in the Way".
"Sister girl, I know you don't understand, but you gone hafta understand he's my man now"
Why, why, why is it so hard for some women to let go? Sometimes you gotta let shit roll off your shoulders though cause Queens shouldn't swing, if you know what I mean.
I had a great relationship with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years before leaving Charlotte and moving to Atlanta. I wanted to live in a bigger city and attend grad school. So we prepared ourselves for a long distance relationship and that would be the case for almost 2 years. It was difficult at times but we visited one another as often as we could. Whatever ways he could "Come See Me". Many drives and Greyhound rides.
"I wish you could catch a jet plane. I know you would if only you could. But finances ain't what we'd like and sometimes we have to sacrifice"
At 28, we were "Not Like Crazy", but ready to say I do. Nothing can prepare you for marriage. Absolutely nothing! All the good bridal shower advice. All the conversations with your wiser relatives....it may help. Until you get up there and ride that bike yourself you will not have any ideas how to peddle.
"Although we've grown we're still on the same side of the proverbial road, heading in the same direction".
So we said I do and we did. But as we all know relationships are hard work. After 8 years together we eventually reached a breaking point. Catapulting into our 30s was a tough change. I felt like I was pleading for an understanding and he couldn't "Hear My Call". As finances and uncompromising took its toll, we were headed for separation.
"I am such a fool, how did I get here? Played by all the rules then they changed...Oh this hurts so bad I can hardly breathe, I just want to leave"
"God please hear my call, I am afraid for me. Love has burned me raw I need your healing please, please."
Separation is numbing. You think you'll always live under a cloud of depression. But honestly the fog will eventually lift and you'll see 1 of 2 things.
"I'll make it" OR "We'll make it".
Fortunately, although at different points in time, at least one of us was heavy on the side of "We'll make it".
Heavy enough for 2.
"Pieces of me were scattered. Blowing in the cold. In different directions. Truth to be told... Going through heartache, I think I lost my mind for a time...You went and put me back together, back together again"
We were "Back Together". A conscious decision. New again. Scary. Solid. Different. Relationships are complex. But deciding to make it work in one, it's simple. You is or you ain't. We are.